A Hobbit in a Mountain Full of Dwarves
by gideondorf
Summary: Bilbo Baggins does not have herself a suitor. Why would any dwarf want to court her? Girl!Bilbo/Girl!Thorin AU where everyone has been Rule 63'd.


It started with a small, heart shaped ruby, attached to a gold chain, wrapped inside of a small box. Bilbo stared quizzically at it for a moment, as though the gift could actually tell her whom it came from. There was no sign or name anywhere of whom gave it.

Bilbo put the box inside of her dresser and left it there. She was not going to get worked up about a gift.

* * *

Exactly one week later, a dwarf delivered a dress made of gold silk to her. She didn't know how to tell the dwarf no.

"Who sent you to deliver this?" The dwarf was young, only at an apprentice's age.

"My master never told me. I'm sorry." The dwarf gave her a sad smile. "But from the looks of it, you've got a very nice suitor on you."

Bilbo decided to entertain the dwarf's silly notions. Why would she have a suitor? She was nothing but a lone hobbit in a mountain of dwarves, queen's advisor or not.

For the young dwarf's efforts, Bilbo gave the girl two gold coins. She put the dress in the back of her closet, hoping that this suitor, if they existed, would back off if she showed no interest. Besides, when would she ever need to wear that type of dress?

She wished she knew how they knew her size perfectly. With her slender frame compared to most dwarves, it didn't seem like a lucky guess.

* * *

This time, all she got was a small and simple gold bracelet with a few gem charms in the shapes of leaves and flowers. It was quite pretty, and far more her taste than the last two gifts had been.

Bilbo decided to wear it. At least then her suitor would know that it was alright to reveal their identity. Bilbo would give it back, as much as she loved the jewelry, and this business would stop.

* * *

Bilbo never saw her suitor, but she did see more gifts. The girl returned one day with a dress that matched her other one perfectly, except this one was made of silver colored thread.

"Your suitor must really love you. I would be flattered if someone bought me this."

Bilbo gave the girl her coins. "I just wish this suitor would reveal themselves."

"You don't even know who they are?" The girl was shocked at the very idea, but then giggled. "I bet they're too shy to come out and say the truth!"

Bilbo sighed. "I wish they would come tell me their intentions. This is getting ridiculous."

The girl thought for a moment. "Perhaps I could ask my master if they know anything. I can't guarantee she'll tell me, but you never know."

"That would be wonderful! Thank you."

The girl grinned. "It's nothing."

* * *

A box sat on her doorstep. Though she knew it probably wouldn't help, she looked to see if she could find anyone around. All she wanted was for these silly games to end. Bilbo was the queen's adviser; she had no time for a suitor with how busy Erebor was as of late.

To humor herself, she opened the box. Inside was a jeweled coin pouch, and inside sat what must have been at least two hundred gold coins.

It seemed they were trying to buy her heart and failing.

Later that day, after Bilbo had given all her gold coins away to new, poor arrivals in Erebor, Bilbo received a message from the girl saying her master wouldn't tell her who sent over the items.

* * *

Bilbo realized the pointlessness of opening the box. It would just be another gift she wouldn't bother to use. Long since had she stopped wearing the bracelet.

Still, she decided to check. Inside was a golden hairpin and two golden combs. Now really, would a wooden comb not work just as well?

* * *

The queen under the mountain was not pleased. Bilbo braced herself for a long day at work.

First came the embassies from Mirkwood. Bilbo had done all the talking while Thorin shot daggers. Her nieces were off who knows where doing Yavanna knows what.

Then came Bard's men, who wished to discuss trade. They were quite polite, but Thorin seemed uninterested in what they said. Bilbo had to convince Thorin to agree to some of their terms. Really, they weren't asking for too much when they asked for guards to be placed along the roads to prevent merchants from being robbed back and forth from Dale and Erebor.

Thorin spoke little on her break for lunch. When Bilbo asked her what was wrong, she just glared at her.

* * *

Balin was always the dwarf to ask advice from. She seemed to have an endless supply of answers.

This answer, however, was not satisfactory.

"You're being courted, lass."

Bilbo put her hands on her hips. "Oh, I never would've guessed." She pointed at her gifts. "Who do they come from?"

Balin smiled. There was a gleam in her eyes. "Now why should I tell you that?"

Bilbo groaned. "Don't tell me it's you."

"I won't, because it's not." The old dwarf patted Bilbo on the back. "I do know the dwarf however, and you do too."

Bilbo threw her hands in the air. "I know a whole lot of dwarves! It could take me ages to find out who it is!"

Just then the door opened. "Balin, I was wondering where you were!" Thorin suddenly stopped and looked straight at Bilbo and Balin. Her jaw might as well have hit the floor. "Oh Mahal, I didn't realize..."

Bilbo was ready to rip her hair out. What was going on?

Balin burst out laughing. "My queen, it is certainly not what you think." She smiled. "I know of your business, so I should leave." And then she walked out, leaving Bilbo and Thorin alone. Bilbo was even more confused than before.

"Weren't you here for Balin?" Bilbo asked.

"Uh, er, yes." Thorin said. She looked over at Bilbo. "But I meant to ask you something."

Oh dear, work was about to come home.

"Would you come to dinner with me tonight?"

Bilbo tried to think of a way to say no. She knew Thorin would quiz her on everything today, and they'd do nothing but discuss Erebor. As much as Bilbo wanted to help her friend and her kingdom, Bilbo did not want to spend an entire evening meal discussing Erebor. Erebor, Erebor, Erebor! That was all they ever spoke of.

"I have nothing suitable to wear." Yes, it was a terrible excuse, but the only one she had.

The queen frowned. "Perhaps I could help you find something."

Bilbo didn't know how to say no.

The queen began to rummage through her closet and drawers. She pulled out the blasted gold dress and heart shaped ruby necklace.

"These would look beautiful on you."

Bilbo sighed. How would she tell Thorin no?

"I'll see you in an hour!" Thorin said, then laid the items out on her bed.

Great, the queen took her actions as consent. Well, at least the food would be good.

* * *

The dress, Bilbo noticed, showed more than she felt comfortable with. If Thorin was surprised to see her mithril shirt where bare breasts should be, she didn't show it.

The heart shaped necklace hung down her neck, the stone sitting firmly below her neck. She'd done her hair the best she could, but it was hard to tame her curls.

Thorin looked down at her dinner. "Thank you for coming."

Bilbo looked away from her. "Oh, it was nothing."

"I've been meaning to discuss something." Thorin took a bite of her steak. "Something that you've been dealing with lately."

There were quite a few things she'd been dealing with.

"Yes," Bilbo said. She began to cut up her own meat. Maybe if she talked well enough than she could get Thorin to end this sooner. There was no better feeling in the world than knowing you talked someone out of something.

Thorin looked up at her. "So, what is your decision? All I've received are mixed messages."

"My decision? Mixed messages?"

"On my courting of you." She frowned. "I always wanted to see you in that dress."

"Wait, you've been courting me?"

Thorin gave her a confused look. "Well who do you think sent you all those gifts? I thought perhaps they might not be to your interest, or perhaps you thought me unworthy of courting you."

Bilbo groaned. "You've been courting me?"

Thorin looked heartbroken. "I should've realized that I wasn't worthy of you."

"No, it isn't that!"

Thorin looked confused. "Then what would it be?"

"Why didn't you leave me a sign that it was you?"

"I thought you knew!"

Bilbo didn't know whether to laugh or cry. "Thorin, how was I supposed to know you were courting me? I am not a dwarf!"

Thorin turned red. "I just thought that with your great knowledge of dwarves you'd understand."

"Thorin, I never learned about dwarf courtship because I never thought a dwarf would court me." Bilbo shook her head. "I just can't believe this is happening."

"Why wouldn't it?" Thorin asked. "You are smart, a good fighter, trustworthy, loyal, and beautiful." Bilbo went red at those words. "You saved my life multiple times. You are worthy of being my consort and ruling alongside me on the throne."

Bilbo didn't know what to say.

"And though it was unknown to you until now, I have completed all proper dwarf courtship." Thorin cleared her throat. "Bilbo, I ask for your hand in marriage."

Bilbo thought for a moment. "I'm sorry, Thorin, but this is all too sudden. I can't just accept now."

"But why?"

"Because I don't want to rush into anything."

Thorin frowned. "But-"

"No buts. We'll do it when I am ready."

Thorin nodded. "I will respect your wishes."

When dinner was finished, Thorin took Bilbo's hand and gently stroked her fingers along it.

* * *

The next day Bilbo found a box by the door. It had the same wrapping as her first gift had.

Inside was a bracelet covered in purple gems.

Thorin was never going to give this up, was she?


End file.
